DAY ELEVEN: Success

OK. I was more than a little skeptical about this going in -- about the effectiveness of the diet and about my ability to deprive myself amidst all the temptation. But I've got to say this about Isagenix -- it worked. In the sense that I feel much 'cleaner', lighter and more energized. I no longer crave caffeine or crappy foods I was regularly digging into -- although I've got to admit that food memories are very powerful and I really don't know what kind of self-control I'd be able to exert when confronted with big plate of pancakes or Boca Raton deli plate.

Final 11 day tally: 13.5 pounds lost, 2 inches in the waist and also visible shrinkage in other body dimensions as well. (Snarky friends and Dr. Miller, insert snarky remark here: ________)

Now the big question is transitioning from this austere regimen to become a more habitual healthy eater. No WAY I want to go this again soon/ever and at age 55 it's probably not a good idea to let health wander too far astray anyway. So I'm going to take a shot at greatly reducing intake of all things bad, and increasing activity.

While very early in the riding 'season', I've started to push on the pedals and little harder and have been enjoying the feeling of that too. Flandria Cafe team rejoice: my 18 months of bike nausea may now be coming to an end. You can now look forward to my ordinary, customary slowness.

Oh well, this blogging has been narcissistic enough for me over the last two weeks. It's over now, but going to live on blogger server in posterity I'm sure.

DAY NINE: This is getting old

Got on the scale this morning ... 11 pounds lost. Pants feel looser. This is the first of two final cleanse days, but likely to be among the hardest. since no meals to eat, just a little goop to drink. Onward!

DAY SEVEN: Taking a blog vacation

Not much to report today. Didn't weigh myself, but still sticking to the 'shake day' regimen. Starting to add a little more variety to diet - last night Randi and I had average-human-size portion of rice, broccoli and scallops (Bomsters, you've got to try them). Anticipating the end of this process with two final cleanse days scheduled for Tue and Wed.

Check back later!

DAY SIX: Mid-day, Mid-life, Mid-cleanse

Well, here I am, halfway through this epic lifestyle changer, and I dropped yet another pound. That brings total up to 9 lbs., which I feel is a good number at this point. Dream goal would be 15, but I don't really think will happen as the now we're talking about 'real' weight loss, not the easy low-hanging kind. I'd like to use today's posting to answer good questions asked by Aussie son Simon, who is taking a wonderful interest in his Dad's latest avocation. So here you go, Simon B. If the answers appear upside-down on your side of the world, simply invert your computer to read more easily.

1) Cleansing + Work productivity = ___?
Well, you know I've always been a prodigious workaholic, but this cleanse doesn't appear to be slowing me down any. Quite a rush of energy actually as fat cells dump all their sugar back into circulation.
2) Muscle mass or tone - Isagenix = ___?
Muscle tone hasn't been so great anyway after months of sloth, so hard to know if there has been any change. Also, I'm reluctant to really push the exercise thing while so calorie-restricted, although I did go to spin class this morning with Mom.
3) Put bluntly ... Cleansing / Massive weight loss = Bowel movements?
Ahem ... OK you asked for it. Smaller and less dense, but most amazingly spelling out words of encouragement each morning, like "Good Job!" or "Way to Go!"
4) What are your plans for after the cleanse? How are you going to continue to lose weight...? The world of high calorie foods is very tempting....
Yes, the temptations of food are everywhere, but I'm going to try to be more moderate about intake and try to focus on food goodness/quality vs. volume. But as our sage patriarch Al Postrel was always fond of saying, "Everything in moderation ... including moderation."


Bdeebddbee ... that's all folks!

DAY FIVE: Never though I'd get excited about a radish

Another pound lost overnight ... bringing 4 day total to 8 pounds. Also happy to say I'm done with the 2- day cleanse routine and back to 'regular food' (that is, if you define regular meals as 2 Isagenix shakes and a salad mostly devoid of salad dressing). I'm sure that this rate of personal shrinkage can not continue, but my IsaMentor Jonathan Epstein has told me that an 11 pound loss is the record for his mentees, so 12 lbs. total is my immediate goal.

I also went to the gym this morning with my friend Ann Hirsch and got on the exer-bike for 40 minutes or so. Not a whole lot of energy or power but didn't expect to exert myself too much anyway. Headed to spin class early tomorrow with Randi and I'll probably soft-pedal that session as well.

After the gym, I went to East Side market to pick up a few things. Now you would think this would be torturous, but it strangely wasn't. I walked past the delicacy-pack counters, the free cheese samples, and all the other aisles without really craving any of it that much. Except maybe the muffins someone was nibbling at the checkout.

Well, I expect it's getting a little boring for my legion of followers, and in fact I am getting slightly bored with the whole episode as well. But here, in my search for enlightenment (HA, ANOTHER PUN) are a few of the things I've noticed about the whole cleansing affair:

1. Not eating anything sure saves time.
2. I'm not really doing anything productive with the extra time.
3. There is no third thing.

Bye for now. Thanks for eating. Enjoy a cheeseburger for me, will you?

DAY FOUR: More lbs transferred back to the biomass

First, a big shout out to Aussie son Simon Braunstein for my new blog masthead. It is quite prescient because as I write this I sit in a big chair dreaming of future cheeseburgers. Simon, how did you know?

Happy to report that after 3 days, 7 pounds have been transferred outside my personal boundaries to Earth's biomass at large. Take THAT, you expanding external biomass! (I understand that the biomass found its pants a little tighter this morning.)

As far as the cleanse, what my Isagenix mentor Jonathan told me is really true -- the 'ketosis' process that the cleanse promotes i.e. fat cells venting their stored energy back into the system, really does give you gobs of energy. Like having a barista serve you two espresso shots right from the get go.

What would Jens do? Keep loosink der veight!

As far as food cravings go, I really don't have too many, although I'm  more acutely aware of the abundance of high-calorie food messages coming at me through the media. No wonder it's so hard to maintain control under normal circumstances.

So where will I stop? Well, I'm scheduled for another 7 days, including 3 more days of deep cleansing and 4 more of minor-league consumption. But given weight-loss so far, there's no reason why I shouldn't strive  to look more like Jens Voigt.

Thanks again for checking in. Another thrilling update tomorrow.

DAY THREE: Lunchtime update

OK, while you've been enjoying a nice lunch, I've been consuming some kind of protoplasmic slurry that neither satisfies nor appeals in any way. Oh well, I guess that's my punishment for consuming no fewer than 20 boxes of cereal, 10 quarts of ice cream, the equivalent of 3 wheels of cheese, and other gluttonous engorgements too horrible to mention over the last couple of months.

The only good news is that first 2 days of cleansing has resulted in 4 pound weight loss! But today's 'deep cleanse' regimen is far more difficult, and will be repeated again tomorrow no less.

So thank you again for following this captivating account of my 11 days. Only 8 more to go. Tomorrow I promise to accompany all the scrumptious prose.

DAY TWO: Two pounds went somewhere

But hey, you can chalk a two pound weight loss up to scale user error, so I'm not making any claims. Today is another 'shake' day, or if you are a skeptic like I am, a 'shakedown' day since Isagenix appears to be a VERY profitable multi-level marketing scheme that preys on desperate gluttons like me.

Tomorrow's 'deep cleanse' day (repeated on Wed.) will likely be far more difficult to stomach (the puns keep coming!) as it is really quite low calorie, or as my friend Brian Kablik calls it, "one step up from starvation". Sounds yummy.

Thank you all for your continued surveillance and support of the Glutton. Check back later.

Welcome to my Punishment - DAY ONE

For over a year, I've been eating like there's no tomorrow. Well, starting tomorrow, Monday February 14th, I'm no longer eating. Correction: I'll be on an Isagenix cleanse, which is either a wonderful way to purge the toxic demons and lose a lot of weight ... or a diabolical network marketing scam developed to help purge one of their money. Only time (11 days) will tell.

And thanks to the miracle of blogging, you my dear friends will be able to check in on how the whole process is going. I'll forgo too much examination about how narcissistic this behavior actually is. Feel free to leave comments or questions as we go.

How did I get from being 190 lbs. in pretty good shape to 215 pounds of flab in only 12 months? Well, it was easier than you might think. Surprisingly, my anti-diet started with a trip to India last January, where it can be said that starvation is not a dietary strategy but in fact a way of life. From there, it was simply a matter of indiscriminate eating and snacking and eating and binging into it all blended together into one non-stop bacchanal.

OK, so I just finished my first morning potions (pill with something, chased by elixir of something, followed by lousy vanilla shake consisting of mostly whey protein and vitamin B complexes) and will be blogging regularly. In fact, if I fail to make contact within 24 hours, please call 911.

Thanks for indulging me. (Note: This diet regimen is not approved by the FDA, FBI or Dr. E. Bradley Miller).